I have been exploring more of my kinky side these days. It's not often that I uncover something about myself that I find surprising....yet the depths of my submissive sexuality has done just that.
Now, I learned about my submissive tendencies early on. A lot of my early sexual experiments took place on the internet, in chatrooms. Online, I had a 100% safe laboratory to explore any of my desires, and a supportive community to help. I also quickly learned that what I might create in my head and what the real world was like were two different things, and found it difficult, unnerving and unsatisfactory to try and live out any but the most simple of my fantasies.
For a while, I was even afraid of my submissive side. It craved all these dark fantasies that I knew could be dangerous to trust with the wrong person. I think I convinced myself that I wasn't really that kinky and it was just my wild imagination. And for a while, just being a provider fed that submissive side. And such respectful and wonderful clients you've all been, it helped me build the trust both in myself and others.
Sometimes, its recognizing the same depth in someone else that makes you brave enough to take the plunge into yourself.
I'm more excited than scared now to explore the more masochistic side, the darker pieces of my sub. It reminds me of the first few experiences of surrendering to ecstasy, and enjoying the release of control. Maybe you've been thinking about taking a similar plunge?