One of my earliest sexual identities I claimed was submissive. I explored a lot of it online since it was safer (this was roleplaying online, with no intention of meeting...although in a few cases….) And probably because it was online, It was much easier to explore harder kinks.
I rarely talk about my submissive kinks since so much of it is mind play & consensual nonconsent (CNC). I’m afraid to advertise this kind of play because I don’t want to glamorize sexual violence or be seen as inviting it. I understand the difference between fantasy & reality (and my job entails blurring the line) and I worry that others won’t get it. I’m not fearful of clients taking advantage--I screen well and always have an exit strategy--It’s a fear of being shamed, something I am healing. There is a lot of power in healing shame. Some of our most powerful parts are hiding in our shadow.
The truth is these darker kinks--maybe because of the taboo--continue to quicken my blood. It’s the release of control & power that is so inviting. All I want in that moment is to be the object of pleasure and used towards that end. These sessions always become the most intimate, as I’m stripped down to base elements...We meet each other in the darkness.
At the same time as I explore my submissive elements, I’ve finally identified my domme side. It lay hidden because She isn’t normally sexual. Demanding, unbreakable, sovereign and knowledgeable. She does not require your approval, or your pleas. She isn’t attracted to weak men--and most men are weak in her eyes. She doesn’t subscribe to the “alpha male” mentality either. Strength comes from self- knowledge, from resilience and discipline. Strength can be pliant & compassionate too. She is someone I’m still getting to know, and will explore further.
I do continue to offer submissive play sessions to select clients. The screening process is a little more in depth to make sure our kinks will align, and helps to establish mutual trust--which is key to any good scene.